Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Penatnya.........................................................alasan saya bercuti musim Hari Gawai ini.

Nowadays cuti Gawai cuma alasan mahu bercuti dan berkumpul dengan keluarga jauh dan dekat. Petani-petani sawah kini cuma banyak di Farmville dan Farmtown jadi boleh lah diambil alasan ini untuk mengekalkan perayaan hari Gawai dalam kalender. My blog will be stagnant macam air parit tercemar tak bergerak selama seminggu. Be back from holiday on the 8th. I'm looking forward to see my parents, family and friends. I guess a visit to my late mother and brother's grave is essential too.

Harap-harap masa pulang nanti Mr Vai ada di rumah, tengah siram bunga, berik memew makan, cuci kereta. Harap-harap masa tu ada scene video clip slow-mo showing me running towards his embrace. OK - tipu. Teruskan berangan.

Pulang Kuching by road, naik RUSH - hopefully selesa. So see you guys when I'm back from holiday. For the time being, I mintak maaf kalau I pernah langgar blog yuolls, basahkan lantai rumah dan sebagainya. Enjoy Holiday!

Thursday, May 20, 2010


Kenapa Aku Ada Sindrom Patuh Pada Ahmoi?

explain this : when she knocked my door shouting BANCI! BANCI! like a screaming banshee I'll dully oblige and make an update entry although I'm still on my DVD run. ntah apa la aku nak tulis, korang ni memang macam anak aku, tak layan lalulah hentak-hentak kaki sambil bergayut kat kaki aku.

OK memandangkan aku tengah 'idealess' to be an idealist jom sini bapak-bapak ibuk-ibuk semua....nya!!! Actually aku tengah sakit hati dengan DVD yang aku beli, OK fine pirated but then I wouldn't be watching it more than once so to HELL with it. Korang perasan tak especially kalau korang beli DVD 4 in 1 selalunya akan ada satu movie yang best sangat atau HYPE je lebih soru. Macam yang aku sakit sangat usus besar is the one yang aku harap tak mengechiwakan aku turned out rubbih much. The one yang aku beli ada

1- Inglorious Basterds [bradd pitt wah-wah~~~]
2- Wrong Turn At Tahoe [despite unfamous, I like this one]
3- Colin [ada zombie- biasa la pakej bonos]
4- Bad Lieutenant ---inilah lakonan paling sampah nicolas cage

Macam yang aku carut tadi, dalam 4 movie to memang akan ada satu je yang korang akan realy like. Selain DVD atas tadi, aku ada few lagi yang selalunya hampeh je, buang masa but hey, I'm a slave to sequels so I ended up watching all anyway. Takpelah...sapa suruh beli pirate movies kan? [sambil tarik rambut satu-satu]


Tapi kan ehek~ aku ada beli 8 in 1 KAMASUTRA MANUAL DVD, tapi takde satu pun yang mengechiwakan. HAHAHA!!! Korang ejek la aku mak tak kesah yuolls. I'm a curious person so bila aku nampak a simplified version of THE SACRED BOOK aku yakin aku harus beli. But to me that DVD tak boleh nak dikelaskan sebagai blue sebab display dia nampak teknikal sangat, sungguh sekolah punya gaya. Shooting yang profesional takde bunyi ~ah-ah-aw-oh!!! macam filem blue yang korang selalu tengok dalam format JPEG tuh. Sungguh aku beli masa tu laki aku jeling semacam je tapi aku faham la, kesyer tu pun senyum semacam je yang ni aku rasa nak tempeleng. Penjual DVD local kita ni bagi aku ramai yang masih kurang etika, kalau korang beli 'adult movies' kat overseas they will treat you professionally as so careful not to embarrass you. Macam aku cakap tadi, aku ni curious so ada je yang pelik aku belilah pedulik aku orang nak fikir apa. Bukan aku galakkan korang beli blue lah ye? Aku cakap pasal aku.

Dah la sampai sini dulu, lepas ni aku nak tengok Legally Blonde combo pulak so lepas ni bolehla aku join bebudak pink BFF kat luar tu OMGawd!!! sama-sama.

~~aku blah dulu, kenapa aku rasa menyampah sangat dengan entry kali ni hah?

Saturday, May 15, 2010


~4 single movie DVDs
~2 4 in 1 DVDs
~2 unread novels

kalian memahamiku, izinkan aku melunaskan serakahku, be back in no time.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Feel Like Crying For No Reason?

A friend e-mailed to me, a real tear jerker. I just cry, my mom is now in heaven and I can really understand the kid. Let's cry together. sobs~

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles.. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was
afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten.. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did
not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say.....

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a ‘Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room.. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think.. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For the females with children:
Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:
Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.
Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


Mulakan harimu dengan sengihan - sungguh tak ikhlas. Ok mulakan harimu dengan senyuman.

Another day another story but today is a different story because it is not like every other day it is MUMMIES DAY - imagine zombified moms. I'm not going to sing praise about my mothering skills but I'll spin and tweak it a little to my own daily version. Being a mother to a hyper-vitagen-sugared-peanuts-protein 2 year old daughter and a stepmother (yes, you got it right) to an emo-rebel-potty mouthed 7 year old son is not FUN, it's both tiring and trying. While I'm likely to be the undesired police in the house my kids get along very well with each other, and their dad. There's no half sibling or step sibling in the house. Darrien and Joy are unseparable, put the daddy into the mix they will be ice kacang and leave me to be the straw- get what I mean?

Character breakdown starts with DADDY;
Very able in many ways - excellent cook, sporting clown, the 'yes you can' authority and practically the DON of the house. Our kids adore him, daddy can't be wrong-daddy is great-daddy is so cool-and whatever superb. If the kids have anything they wish to have, it's their daddy who gets the nudge and rants. When they play/which I'm not so good at, they bring down the house to rubble. Means...mommy will tidy up, it's OK, just play. I once go to sleep at 2 a.m. cleaning baby Joy's scribble on our kitchen wall and clear the kitchen after Darrien & Dad played Jamie Oliver. Daddy being nice decided to teman me cleaning and made me hot milo to end-and a good neck massage. His words always being 'you'll miss the moment' really helps me calm down. But still, when the need arises for him to be strict you'll see the kids making beeline behind me. I always smile at that scene.

Big Brother Darrien (he was 3 when we first met and peed on my lap, sleeping)
Potty-mouthed yes, BIG TIME. At 7 years old it is impossible to stop him from discovering foul words especially when this is the boy who travel 3 residences; our's, his mother's and the gramps. He has a lot of cousins and of various age range, a recipe to disastrous lingo. He's very aware of your every words or statement and that leads to an emo kid sitting on the stair if you don't watch what you say. A very certain personality he knows what he wants and if restrained will rebel his way through. His attention span is 5 mins. Give him a new toy he will get over with it the day after. No matter how expensive the toy is, it will still break down. He's with us mostly on weekends only so he gets free pass from being grounded. However he can be very sweet and considerate, taking care of baby Joy when he knows I'm too tired to run around the house after them both and doing chores at the same time. And very good looking too. Here's the lovely part, his mother refused for him to call me anything equaling to mother so he joined his dad calling me 'dear'. *adorable* imagine him calling me that at 17, priceless.

Baby Joy
This is the one baby to whom every nursery will close their door. Very hyperactive and super loud. She zips around like energizer bunny, climbing anything like spiderwho, thrash around like we have 3 maids at our disposal. Our own Picasso I think I'll paint our walls BLACK from tiring days cleaning walls and floor. Very cute with her naturally golong @ curly hair but I'd advise you not to be fooled by that, she bites and screams like screeching tires. I think she's auburn, lol. She eats a little but takes everything that comes her way. Chocolate @ chet is always available thanks to her designated Aunty Mamam. Her daddy introduced Coke to her months before her first birthday, with that amount of sugar...HYPER. Joy's vocabulary for now are very limited and somehow I found myself understanding among others

mam - eat / ding - drink / chet - chocolate / brrr - coke / kakut ya - takut ya
kakit - sakit / hee hoo - bathtime / smeyee - smelly / o'oi - sleep

~17 months with her aunty Mamam~
*relevan lah tu, the kotak was Happy Meal Box*

Combine the 3 'monsters' we have a real life moniker of 'How To Train A Dragon' . I'm the trainer with 3 dragons. Their antics are impossible, their mess unbearable, the noise numbing but take one away and I'll be miserable. Like Mr Vai said, our life might be 'tonggang langgang' but we do have a wonderful one. Mothering may not be fun, but seeing the kids growing up great and at the right path is rewarding. I only hope I have enough patience and resource to face their teenage years. That I think will be more challenging, right now it's all naughty and cute. So far, I think I did just fine. Although everytime I end my day looking like mummy I surely did enjoy my day being mommy to my kids. There...

Adorable kids+Cool Dad+Miserable Mom= Happy Family

make it everyday

p.s: bah, apa lagi. yang single2 ya bila gik? on a side note, my birth mother died before I was 3, so my stepmom cared for me just about the same age I took Darrien. the similarity, I feel her.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


~Sedihnya rasa hati, Baby Joy birthday 17 Mei nanti, she'll turn 2 and guess what? Her beloved daddy won't be there blowing candles with her like yesteryear~

Perangai makin naughty, kobek-kobek and throwing tantrum and what nots I just can't seem to handle. Nak aku spank-kan nanti masa nangis dia psycho aku balik, calling her 'daddy', when she knows he isn't there. Tak ke sebak aku, rasa bersalah lagi ada. These two 'monsters' are so close I can't get my way with any one. If I 'pap' the daddy the baby will 'pap' me. If I scold the baby the daddy will animatedly 'pap' me to cheer baby up.

Now that the daddy is away I'm left with this guilty feeling whenever I have to discipline her 'a bit'. And I know Mr Vai misses Baby Joy more than he misses me. But when she's sleeping she looks so angelic and all my day's problem seems so distant. All the wonders of being a temporary single mum.

~ 6 months and napping with daddy~
*note the same sleeping posture*

~dear...I miss you!