It's been tiring the whole week, we had thanksgiving prayer for my bro in-law who recently got promoted and transferred to Labuan Shell starting tomorrow! Man....I did deep-frying the whole day I even fried my thumb! Anyway back to the topic, what is it all about? Friend of mine sort of hit the rock with his wife over what I think is inane issue. So this post goes out to you D. Ladies and gentlemen can all benefit from this.
Well, most of us married couples don't talk much about issues because issues lead to argument and that is ugly. Be it money, time management, kids, hygiene or anything many couples simply avoid bringing up issues that can provoke disagreement. However by doing so, you are actually doing something called 'bottle-necking' and the burst is going to be messy.
I argue a lot with MrVai. I love him so much but still I hit on that red button every time I feel that he needs some correction and so does he. I never allow myself to go to sleep with unsolved issues. God gave you mouth and that voice so that you can speak for yourself. Women always act their way through and men hate that. Be realistic he can't read your mind! Just be careful on how are you going to bring it up.
Myself I prefer starting while I'm washing the dishes. Just an example for you because I think during that time I'll have my attention or anger channeled to the water, bubbles and plates. I'd be less critical and try not to be cynical. Cynical is what most men despise. It doesn't help solving anything but it fans on the anger. Focus on what wrong he did, not him as a person so be wise to say "I don't think gambling is good for our household economy" instead of "You gamble wayyyy to much we're close to broke". Address the issue spot-on as possible so avoid beating around the bush.
Once he gives you that attention, calm down and bring it to the table. Give him your points clearly and orderly so he can follow what you say. Tell him why you think he needs to change his certain way and how it affects you and your relationship with him. When you're done, let him talk and share his opinion. He might not agree completely with you but be kind to tolerate too. No man change overnight. Talk more on how to adjust and rearrange everything. While doing so don't be hesitant to apologise even if it's not your fault. It works and will gain you respect, I know because I do that.
So don't be afraid to voice out your thoughts, doubts, concern or fear. Bring it up - and find a solution. Be rational and argue in a civilised manner, I don't want some flying saucers over my head. It's OK to be angry but there's always a way for everyone to be happy winning and losing at the same time.
Till then, bye.....muah!!!