Look out for art collection for sale due on early June 2009 in my blog. Some of the artwork will have its own story, will be featured in blog caption.
So art lover out there, wait for the premiere. Prices are considered cheap, custom-order also available. So there...
Friday, May 29, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
SHARE A BIG LAUGH
(1) DON ' T LOOK AT A NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Because my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!
(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... Baby doll
3rd wife..... China doll
2nd wife.... Barbie doll
1st wife..... Panadol !
(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "Is it in dear?"
(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!
(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
"Your name please?"
"Abdul Aziz"
"Sex?"
"Six times a week!!"
"No, no, I mean male or female!"
"Doesn ' t matter, sometimes even camel!"
(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service and
sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service
(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of Cosmo.
Son on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of Playboy
and .. Wife on the cover of "Missing Persons"
(8) SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Because its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful,I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon,I'll adjust the chair
accordingly."
(11) VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
(12) OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr old girl.
On their first night both were crying..........Why???
Because she didn ' t know anything and
he had forgotten everything.
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Because my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!
(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... Baby doll
3rd wife..... China doll
2nd wife.... Barbie doll
1st wife..... Panadol !
(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "Is it in dear?"
(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!
(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
"Your name please?"
"Abdul Aziz"
"Sex?"
"Six times a week!!"
"No, no, I mean male or female!"
"Doesn ' t matter, sometimes even camel!"
(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service and
sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service
(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of Cosmo.
Son on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of Playboy
and .. Wife on the cover of "Missing Persons"
(8) SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Because its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful,I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon,I'll adjust the chair
accordingly."
(11) VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
(12) OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr old girl.
On their first night both were crying..........Why???
Because she didn ' t know anything and
he had forgotten everything.
BEST DIVORCE LETTER
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These
last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today, and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut,had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.
Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
__________________________________________________________
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out.
So when I hit the Lotto for 10 Million Dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, rich as hell and free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These
last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today, and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut,had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.
Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
__________________________________________________________
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out.
So when I hit the Lotto for 10 Million Dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, rich as hell and free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
ARSENIC IN FOODS WE LOVE
Taiwan, a woman suddenly died unexpectedly with signs of bleeding from her ears, nose, mounth & eyes. After a preliminary autopsy it was diagnosed death due to arsenic poisoning death. Where did the arsenic come from?
The police launched an in-depth and extensive investigation. A medical school professor was invited to come to solve the case.The professor carefully looked at the contents from the deceased's stomach, in less than half an hour, the mystery was solved.
The professor said: 'The deceased did not commit suicide and neither was she murdered, she died of accidental death due to ignorance!' Everyone was puzzled, why accidental death?
The arsenic is of the U.S. military for carrying rice seedlings H Gao. The professor said: 'The arsenic is produced in the stomach of the deceased.' The deceased used to take 'Vitamin C' everyday, which in itself is not a problem. The problem was that she ate a large portion of shrimp/prawn during dinner.
Eating shrimp/prawn is not the problem that's why nothing happened to her family ever though they took the same shrimp/prawn. However at the same time the deceased also took 'vitamin C', that is where the problem is! Researchers at the University of Chicago in the United States , found through experiments, food such as soft-shell shrimp/prawn contains a much higher concentration of - five potassium arsenic compounds.
Such fresh food by itself has no toxic effects on the human body! However, in taking 'vitamin C', due to the chemical reaction, the original non-toxic - five potassium arsenic (As anhydride, also known as arsenic oxide, the chemical formula for As205) changed to a three potassium toxic arsenic (ADB arsenic anhydride), also known as arsenic trioxide, a chemical formula (As203), which is commonly known as arsenic to the public!
Arsenic poisoning have magma role and can cause paralysis to the small blood vessels, "mercapto Jimei"??, inhibits the activity of the liver and fat necrosis change Hepatic Lobules Centre, heart, liver, kidney, intestine congestion, epithelial cell necrosis, telangiectasia. Therefore, a person who dies of arsenic poisoning will shows signs of bleeding from the ears, nose, mouth & eyes.
Therefore; as a precautionary measure,
DO NOT not take shrimp/prawn when taking 'vitamin C’
The police launched an in-depth and extensive investigation. A medical school professor was invited to come to solve the case.The professor carefully looked at the contents from the deceased's stomach, in less than half an hour, the mystery was solved.
The professor said: 'The deceased did not commit suicide and neither was she murdered, she died of accidental death due to ignorance!' Everyone was puzzled, why accidental death?
The arsenic is of the U.S. military for carrying rice seedlings H Gao. The professor said: 'The arsenic is produced in the stomach of the deceased.' The deceased used to take 'Vitamin C' everyday, which in itself is not a problem. The problem was that she ate a large portion of shrimp/prawn during dinner.
Eating shrimp/prawn is not the problem that's why nothing happened to her family ever though they took the same shrimp/prawn. However at the same time the deceased also took 'vitamin C', that is where the problem is! Researchers at the University of Chicago in the United States , found through experiments, food such as soft-shell shrimp/prawn contains a much higher concentration of - five potassium arsenic compounds.
Such fresh food by itself has no toxic effects on the human body! However, in taking 'vitamin C', due to the chemical reaction, the original non-toxic - five potassium arsenic (As anhydride, also known as arsenic oxide, the chemical formula for As205) changed to a three potassium toxic arsenic (ADB arsenic anhydride), also known as arsenic trioxide, a chemical formula (As203), which is commonly known as arsenic to the public!
Arsenic poisoning have magma role and can cause paralysis to the small blood vessels, "mercapto Jimei"??, inhibits the activity of the liver and fat necrosis change Hepatic Lobules Centre, heart, liver, kidney, intestine congestion, epithelial cell necrosis, telangiectasia. Therefore, a person who dies of arsenic poisoning will shows signs of bleeding from the ears, nose, mouth & eyes.
Therefore; as a precautionary measure,
DO NOT not take shrimp/prawn when taking 'vitamin C’
HOW BABY COME INTO THIS WORLD
How baby come into this world ?
Oh I'm sure you know ...
or ... mmm ... do you?
"Daddy , how did I come into this world?"
"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you anyway."
"So why not today? Please!"
"OK, but listen carefully. Mom and dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. When mom finished downloading we discovered we used no firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus! OK ?"
hahaha and you thought you know, 'virus'!
Oh I'm sure you know ...
or ... mmm ... do you?
"Daddy , how did I come into this world?"
"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you anyway."
"So why not today? Please!"
"OK, but listen carefully. Mom and dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. When mom finished downloading we discovered we used no firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus! OK ?"
hahaha and you thought you know, 'virus'!
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